When “Season of the Fallen Sun” was complete, I realized that the “work” phase of the book was not solely the writing; in addition, there was what was to come afterwards. We are in a different era today. A person no longer writes a book, sends it to a literary agent, it gets picked up and it is published, sells millions of copies, and is made into a movie. While that was never my outcome goal, I do believe I was, shall we say, “ill prepared”; AKA naïve about this thing called marketing.
I was being asked to come up with language that would help potential readers know why my book was worth reading. Querries like, “what makes your book unique?” “What is your angle?” “What can you give us that would grab the reader?” “Who is your target audience?” My answers were always muted. There was something “distasteful” about marketing an intensely painful and personal experience, that I had chosen to share because it might just help someone else who had buried a loved one, and specifically buried their child. Kristen, my photographer, my muse, my confidant, my beta reader, and above all else, my loving caring daughter, tried to make me see that there was something important in the fact that not only was I a mother who had unintentionally become an expert witness and participant in the mire of grief; but I had also been a witness to other people’s similar grief, for over fifteen years. There seemed to be something intrinsically important about the trauma therapist being traumatized.
I repeatedly rejected this idea, and very much felt my story was solely from the perspective of a Mom. It wasn’t until recently, when interviewed by Dr. Linda Tucker, for her Podcast, “Challenge Your Thinking”, that I discovered being a trauma therapist hugely impacted my ability to talk about something that had completely silenced my voice. While my writing captures my experience from the mother’s perspective, I found that I could barely speak about the book. Dr. Tucker was amazingly proficient in drawing me out. She took me to a place of comfort, by leading me to my own competency as a trauma therapist. She allowed me to step back and talk about trauma therapy, from my place of knowledge. It was only when I found myself in that competency comfort zone, that she proceeded to ask me more personal and profound questions. For the first time, my answers were no longer muted. Outside the written word, where I had found comfort, I was able to merge my head with my heart and actually speak about my personal, season of the fallen sun. I was finally able to have both/and; not either/or. I am indeed, a grieving Mom, and a competent, seasoned mental health provider.
I thank you for that Linda! Prior to Andy’s death, I was a national speaker on all things trauma related. Subsequent to Andy’s death, I stopped speaking professionally. I had truly “ lost my voice”. My voice is back, and I would very much like to share it with you. This journey never ceases to amaze me!
After listening, please feel free to share your thoughts and comments on my blog. I will be sure to respond. For all of you on this journey, I encourage you to challenge your thinking too! Click below to listen to the podcast!